3 Ways to Deal With Your New Mom Identity Crisis

The day all of us got here again from the hospital, it all modified. Sure, similar to that. Hastily, in a monumental method. 

Simply once I was starting to really feel grownup and start my writing profession, I had a daughter. I needed to cease in my tracks, hit pause, and lift a child. It doesn’t matter should you plan your child or not. You need to hit pause in a technique or one other.

What’s ironic is that though I desperately needed my life again after just some days of being a mother, I additionally kinda didn’t. I had a change of coronary heart. I noticed I didn’t need to take my daughter to daycare. I didn’t need to return to a job I didn’t need. So, I made a decision to deal with my daughter and do one thing totally different – one thing I’d by no means thought-about earlier than: turn into a stay-at-home mother.

What occurred between my daughter and I in that two-bedroom condominium in Chicago modified me. Day after day, we grew collectively. As she grew, I grew. My writing journey continued, in truth it flourished, and it grew to become embedded inside her journey. I fell in love with the little one who stored me up every night time and demanded undivided consideration 24/7.

Despite the fact that I used to be head over heels for this delicious little factor, I needed one thing extra. I needed to work, assume, and create. I didn’t need to be a mother all day. As an introvert, I missed my house to assume my very own ideas. I additionally missed consuming out, watching films, and hanging out with my husband.

Listed here are some ideas if you end up, like I used to be, in the midst of a brand new mother disaster:

Don’t make your baby your whole life


Separate your self from motherhood while you get an opportunity. It can refuel you.

When my daughter was born, I by no means stopped writing. I’d search for writing gigs and ultimately constructed a robust portfolio. I made espresso retailers in my space second properties and began my very own writing enterprise. Nurturing my very own profession and my creativity gave me a severe enhance and a strong basis. 

Don’t do all of it

This was straightforward for me. As a feminist, equality is one in every of my prime core values. However this one simply slips for a lot of mothers, particularly stay-at-home mothers. They determine, “I’d as nicely do the laundry…I’m right here anyway.” What begins to occur then is that laundry turns into your factor. It turns into an anticipated chore.

As a substitute, take turns doing the laundry. Take turns with all of the chores. Let your accomplice prepare dinner or decide up carryout. Turns. Turns. Turns. Don’t like the best way they do it? Then go forward and get caught doing it your self. You select.

When you cease doing all of it, you’ll discover extra time for your self.

Redefine the phrase “mom”


I hate the normal mom label.

By “conventional mom” I imply the-housewife-in-pearls-and-heels mom – that selfless being who places everybody else first, is comfortable always, and is in some way not an alcoholic or prescription treatment dependent.

The Fifties “ideally suited mother” that we noticed on TV (white, center class housewife who stays at house to boost her kids, clear the home, and bake cookies) supplied a transparent image of the societal function girls have been imagined to fill. Mothers truly constructed their identities round this picture, and lots of nonetheless do right now.

Why? As a result of we nonetheless get those self same messages. While you have a look at most “mommy blogs,” matters embody magnificence, model, meals, offers, and elevating kids.

Why not create your individual definition?

Right heres mine:

Motherhood is part of me. Not every little thing. It’s an honor and a pleasure that fills my days as a steerage giver, a comforter, an unsolicited hugger and giver of too many kisses. My days are additionally crammed with hours of negotiations, spilled juice, and sticky flooring. But, I stay curious concerning the world and observe my ambitions.

By following my desires, I train my daughter that she, too, can achieve something she decides to do. See, on the finish of this story, I don’t get to maintain this little delicious factor with me at house and skim limitless books to her till we each go to sleep in mattress. I’ll all the time preserve loving her. However my daughter will turn into a lady. She can have her personal set of pursuits and objectives.

She is her personal particular person. The identical method I’m my very own particular person.

Whats your definition of motherhood?



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